Just another Sunday...woah oh whoa

Hellll-looooow me

Well.  Its Sunday.  Met up with my friend Leah Friday night, we went to see the film Serenity.  Probably a bad descision in the end as we were both tired and I know for sure that driving home I was falling asleep as I was all over the road and I also don’t remember large sections of the journey.  Still, made it home by 2.30, didn’t get up until 10ish Saturday, feel tired just writing that.

I do get soooo tired these days, but to be honest, I don’t remember the days that I didn’t now.

Yesterday I just ripped my damaged bits of wall off, the wood just cumpled away like some kinda shell.  In the evening I watched the final two parts of a film about Napoleon, was kinda sad that he dies even though it wasn’t a surprise.  Even if he hadnt, almost 200 years on he would have been by now irrespective.

Sunday, well, my aunt was down from wherever she lives and so I went round my mothers for erm, lunch.  Felt desperatly uncomfortable and got into my usual bad mood.  Dunno why I get so unreasonable, I hate feeling stupid and not understood.  I really do feel I talk a different language at times and it frustrates me everso.

In the first part of the afternoon I mentioned to my brother about going for a drink a bit further down the road.  All seemed to be going fine, I only fleetingly felt uncomfortable but I did notice when we were sitting down that my voice may have been heard over the noise as I noticed that a boy was looking directly at me at that point and then grabbed a friends attention and both were looking directly at me.  At that point I was intrigued what they may have been saying but I was in no doubt that I was the subject of conversation and I subsequently was being talked about, although I didn’t feel noticed until the point that my voice felt momentarily quite loud.  I couldn’t help looking out of corner of my eye at their attentions after that, wondering.

Later, I was with my aunt in a pub drinking and I felt kinda ok, nothing unsual anyway but nearer the end of the evening an older lady that my aunt and friend talk to was talking to my aunts friend and then said to my aunt, "and who is this as I get confused with long hair these days" etc.  My aunt told her and then she continued to talk about her hair when she was younger and kept feeling mine and remarking on it until we left. 

Its all been really nice if they were genuinely confused, especially considering Leahs remarks about when she last saw me and how much she thought I I had changed since Jan '04.  Maybe I am going through a moment where I really am visually confusing, only makes the London procedure more enticing.  I was talking about it to my aunt and she was fine, just agreeing that it would be weird for them for a while but that was about it.  I already feel better for mentioning it.  Seems that at least 2 obvious 'musings' from people indicates the end of a rather interesting week.  One of the work peeps I have been sitting next to asked if I had kids or married, boyfriend, girlfriend or pets, did I shave, what colour is my hair etc so another example of being scrutinesed although I didn’t associate it with the same things as Sunday.

London certainly becomes more imperative the more things come into account.

XX