Christmas eve

I was around No2's in the early afternoon as she was upset and then one of her elder sisters came round. This one had her 2 children with her who hadnt seen me for quite some time, both grown up now and the youngest, the girl, kept staring at me a lot. This could have been out of very vague recognition, admiration or a puzzlement. I tried to ignore it but it was so fequent and obvious to me. She hardly said anything to me tho. The sister chatted with me but nothing was given away

In a pub in late afternoon with my mother and aunt, two cousins Tanya and Aaron and my uncle. A huge tall guy my uncle knows came over to speak with my uncle, he asked who we all were and no one gave him any gender clues who I was other than a cousin to their twin mother. He talked a while longer before resuming his position at the bar. Later after we had switched tables and my mother had gone he came back over and talked around the table and when he got to me he asked how I was and if I would remove my cap. Each time I spoke he would ask me to repeat or lean real close as if to hear me properly. I don’t think it was too loud in there and I could not be heard, certainly when compared to the volume the others spoke with.

He went away again and I could see him staring at me several times from the bar but I didn’t look back at him. Then he came over a third time and wanted to wish us merry Christmas individually, kissing my aunt, Tanya rushed off, Aaron shook hands, Unk shook hands then he hovered over me and so I stuck my hand out (fearing a kiss) but he declined it and sat down right next to me, trying to get me to talk to him again. I'm sure when he spoke with me he called me a lady but in front of the family I was feeling awkward and embarrassed so I answered something deliberately deeply so surely he could not wonder publicly anymore. Tanya came back and he made excuses that he sat to wait for her and gently shook my hand, with an aire of resignation. After a short while he left us again and eventually left the pub. My aunt then said that he took me the wrong way and didn’t like me but my uncle said "nah, I think he really liked #####" and laughed.

My first ever bad experience was going to the toilet. I had to walk past a group of younger guys playing pool and who seemed to look at me as I passed. From inside the toilet I head some laughing and jeering but put it down to paranoia, however, whilst washing my hands the door opened 3 times behind me but I think only one person, if any, came in. As I walked out one of them walked directly towards the door and past me and said "excuse me madam" or some such comment. My overall impression was one of ridicule although I didn’t feel belittled, I have just been way to stunned by this for it to have hurt me yet. A positive is that something is making em wonder or make open comment so all good really.