Fri night

Spoke to No2 tonight, I am sure she has cooled to the GID stuff.  Not so much about me doing something about it but seems to have gained the usual distance from me that usually means she is back with the BF.  I hope not for selfish reasons as she promised that if she were to ever end up with him again she would make time for me now that she knows everything.

I know also tho that I have seemingly become very insecure, coupled with my very low esteem right now I guess I am being very needy and probbie a bind.  Its not that what I am trying to do is the easiest thing in the world tho.  Maybe I am being unrealistic, a few weeks ago I would have settled for her to just know about me and I'll muddle through on my own, however, after she was so cool and helpful and motivational I felt I could give this a real stab and have valuable assistance from someone I love so so much.

Not sure why I am writing this, I just feel the horrible lonliness and daunting feelings of weeks ago again.  It’s the comparison thing I think.  Still hurts tho.

I do hope its all in my confused mind  altho I hate feeling like this if it is.

Natxx