Looser
Such a wimpy, spineless tosser. I cant even get past discussing my counselling sessions that I have been doing since Aug/Sept 2003 with No2, I wanted to tell all tonight AGAIN but the conversation seemed to have taken a step back from the night before.
I was sad to hear her say that she had trouble sleeping after we had spoken as all kinds of thoughts were going round in her head, she wouldnt and then couldnt tell me though.
It is wrong of me though to want her to say "Hey, I been thing that you are feminising yourself and trying to get a balance in your life...blah blah" as it is not an everyday situation that people have to put up with. Its bad enough being on the side that I am on, let alone being someone outside trying to 'see' things that i try to hide.
I also got nowhere near a shop to get that piggin foundation. The longer i leave it the worse its gonna be, idiot! I did think this pm that I would get it mailorder but i had kinda set a target to buy it and i am getting more and more angry that i dont just go and by it. The checkout bod doesnt know why i am buying it, i am so so dumb, i think cause i wanna use it that they would know all about me. If i was asked to buy it for someone else i would have no problem, knowing this then makes me more Grrrrrrrrrrr!
Its as if the farther away the weekend gets the more i am returning to my hateful, loathing self. I know its bad to wish ones life away but i am so wanting my hair to get growing so i can move on, i hate mirrors and yet i am surrounded by em. All the while i bear this weight in silence to my fave No2 and anyone else they just show me what i despise and wanna leave behind.
Laser is 5 days away, means i'll have to try and grow some face fuzz by then, tricky for timing, i think its gonna need at least 2 days non shaving, probbie 3, urgh!!!! Still, if electro is used i would need loads longer to get a couple of millimeters going so she could find em. Ah well, thats a potential future thing. Damn expensive month this.
Nat.xxx
I was sad to hear her say that she had trouble sleeping after we had spoken as all kinds of thoughts were going round in her head, she wouldnt and then couldnt tell me though.
It is wrong of me though to want her to say "Hey, I been thing that you are feminising yourself and trying to get a balance in your life...blah blah" as it is not an everyday situation that people have to put up with. Its bad enough being on the side that I am on, let alone being someone outside trying to 'see' things that i try to hide.
I also got nowhere near a shop to get that piggin foundation. The longer i leave it the worse its gonna be, idiot! I did think this pm that I would get it mailorder but i had kinda set a target to buy it and i am getting more and more angry that i dont just go and by it. The checkout bod doesnt know why i am buying it, i am so so dumb, i think cause i wanna use it that they would know all about me. If i was asked to buy it for someone else i would have no problem, knowing this then makes me more Grrrrrrrrrrr!
Its as if the farther away the weekend gets the more i am returning to my hateful, loathing self. I know its bad to wish ones life away but i am so wanting my hair to get growing so i can move on, i hate mirrors and yet i am surrounded by em. All the while i bear this weight in silence to my fave No2 and anyone else they just show me what i despise and wanna leave behind.
Laser is 5 days away, means i'll have to try and grow some face fuzz by then, tricky for timing, i think its gonna need at least 2 days non shaving, probbie 3, urgh!!!! Still, if electro is used i would need loads longer to get a couple of millimeters going so she could find em. Ah well, thats a potential future thing. Damn expensive month this.
Nat.xxx
posted by Buuuug @ 1:52 am
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