Pu-pu-pu-Popcorn!

Well,

Being outta the box rocks bigs time! No2 and I have been talking about this freely and it is so so nice, its like being all warm and naked as opposed to a dreaded scenario of freezing cold and naked.  I currently feel unparallled levels of security and closeness that is just so alien to me, I cannot believe how I can have felt before.  Never having allowed anyone to know me properly, these deep dark secrets pervading almost everything I did and yet unseen or unheard by the ones closest to me.  No2 is being just so unbelievably fantastic, she even asked me if she could come up with a name for me!  I just couldn’t imagine this being any better, just makes me wanna cry thinking about it now but I am at work so best not to.

She has been reading some of the literature I gave her and asking things at times which has been very cool.  She has cried at times too for which I feel real bad and I have tried to reassure her that we did love eachother, that she never made me as I am by trying to get me to wear her stuff, be 'made-up', shave body, tell be I had girly legs or eyes, things like that.  Her depth of empathy is simply astounding.

She has said that she feels more comfortable around me too now that she knows as she had felt uneasy at times, cause I was unhappy and also as she didn’t want me to think we could get back together after so long, something like that.  We have also talked about who else would be ok, who wouldn’t etc, and it came up that I mentioned my mother had hoped we would get back together some time ago and she said that she had been asked too and that had made her feel uncomfortable.  I laughed and said that over Christmas my aunt had even asked if Abbi and I were 'together' and she laughed at that too, saying how silly the boy plus girl thing being anything other than friends was a joke. Ah the ol' expectations!

This year has already taken a massive sharp upturn! I could say it started with the hair op on 5th December, or the confidence building misreads over Christmas, or the immensly rewarding New Years eve which was so magical in its signifigance, then the Outing to No2 on the 5th.  I am usually so hopeful rather than pessimistic but I am currently really optimistic about where this year is gonna take me and what its gonna do for me.  No2 already thinks the new hair is longer today than yesterday and its gonna be such an interesting year for me.  She really wants to come to Canterbury with me on Tues for Laser and go clothe shopping afterwards but I am unsure what she meant by that.  I said I would like to get some new colourful tops and she said "we could go shopping afterwards".  I am intrigued…

Natxx