Back to work and 4th

This morning I defo felt summin down there and didn’t like it.  Just trying some new tops on today with some things to see how they go caused semi erections and that hasn’t happened for what must be 6 months or so and its not as if it happened once, it happened a couple of times and I hate it.  Sitting at work at the mo and was just feeling so angry about it earlier and again now I am writing this.

Does this mean that the dose of the new stuff isnt high enough? Is it that it works so differantly and so needs to build up and the other has been cleansing from my system which is why I have gradually been aware of physiological changes?  If so what other shite things can I look forward to in the meantime and how friggin long is that gonna take?

Its times like this that remind me that I do still have serious issues with how I am as it wouldn’t bug me so much surely if I wasn’t a 'sufferer' as I am? Only on Tuesday at the chinese Abbi said to her lil girl that we {myself and her son} should have the menus as the boys can read their own.  That shouldn’t upset me but still does and did, so, I aint getting over things, I just am not exposed to the stuff that hurts so much.  I didn’t realise how much it would hurt physically a bit but mentally loads just getting a sorrta erection.

I been a bit moodier today but thoughtful too I think.  Then I got into work and found an email that as from next Friday I am supposedly on a new shift.  That coupled with all the other stuff just made me blow up, I stopped from crying but I felt violent, I just wanted to smash things around me as I was so so angry. I didn’t sign in at first as I had to calm down.  I immediately then called the manager and unloaded it onto him and we are gonna talk about it tomorrow once he has called the wanker that is pushing for this changes, the very same jerk who cause all the mayhem back in september time and created the useless flawed pattern in the first place.  I just been spitting so much all night I just keep getting angry about it.

Of course, all that then make me wonder if its from switching drugs?  Pissin midtricks again.  I know what has been done is damn rude and ignorant as it was a directive from Monday and I only got to see it this Friday, plus, the manager said he didn’t like the way Wanker had informed us.  However, the way I am feeling I gotta wonder as again, now work is ruffling my feathers its also reminded me how much I hate being here and again, I just havent been exposed to the rubbish of late.

I just wanna cry and get angry and go somewhere but I cant.  I certainly am more tearful and I cant even do my coursework cause I keep getting so worked up on this and the pshyiological thing above.  Reminds me of wking up hating the lil thing or finding it clenched in my hands before.

Grrrrrrr,   5 hours till home time then I hope to sleep till its time to come back.