Whiiiiizzz

Hi,

Surprised as to how long its been since I last posted.  Not sure of anyone single reason, just a mosaic of emotions and words seem applicable.  Just plain tired or exhausted resulting in can't be bothered, feeling I have nothing to say, whats the point, do it tomorrow to having something to say but not near a computer, I'll do it later, that kinda thing.  My moods have been up and down too in ways I am unable to articulate, I feel I am running outta ways to describe stuff too.

Went to work first time on days, a situation I didn’t want as I cant wear my hat but I got on with it, blanking myself off from it as I do.  Noone said anything although I know they must have noticed.  I booked the Monday and Tuesday off as I didn’t wanna do a shirt and tie thing (seriously, does ANYONE like those?!)

Booked some Foo Fighters tickets for some time in June
Red Hot Chilli Peppers for July

Piggin cold here at the mo.

I tried electrolysis on Tuesday the 28th of Feb, wasn’t painful, just in the pocket.  My hairs are apparently weak and so need a weak current which is good, I don’t like the redness afterward though, ooooooo no.  When I got there she talked to me for a bit, told me about herself and the process, then wanted to get on with the job and asked me to remove my makeup.  "er, I'm not wearing any…", she then exclaimed some surprise and asked what I had done to warrant such good skin etc.  I found that really funny and positive for me heh. I went to my Docs in the morning as I still hadnt received my letter from them that the electro needs to proceed, will go again monday to see if its been done yet as I have my next, and start weekly sessions, next Tuesday.

The following day I went shopping with No2 and was challenged by a rather abrupt and persistant till person as the name on my payment card didn’t match that of her perception of me.  This was real good as its been happening a lot recently which is why I have shut up mentioning it, however, her insistance that it was not my card made it exceptionally endearing and affirming, also, its the first time No2 had heard a conversation between me and another in its entirety regarding such issues, we laughed afterwards as she said I have to get my cards changed soon.  This is getting so frustrating waiting for my piggin hair to grow longer and denser as I am confined to this state of casual presentation otherwise, I never thought I would get to this stage.  Real weird cause I am me, I don’t feel much different but am increasingly being gendered female despite not intentionally attempting to.

I watched the England game that night too, not sure if it was because it was a friendly or not but I struggled to maintain an interest in it.  I had kinda been looking forward to it all day but not as I may have done in the past and when it was on it didn’t captivate me.  I mention it for my record really in case a pattern forms cause of meds.  I also phoned RR's office today to speak with someone regarding the Androcur as I am still afraid of the hairloss I have recently experienced, left a message as noone was about.

Thursday I got the call back, I am to monitor it to see how it seems as its supposed to help hair, not lose it and that I should make an appt to see Dr Curtis for 3 months after last seeing RR, sooner if I am still concerned.  I am afraid that the hair may stop falling out cause it reverts back to how it was, not because its growing normally and nicely etc.  I hate it, its like a nugget of doubt explodes into the biggist, most worrying truth in my head, I think its cause I want it so soooo so much that it devastates me to think I am going backwards. Mmmm, I last saw RR on the 12th January so, I'll be beating his door down by the 12 of April methinks, if not sooner.  The lady said he would probbie review my dosage but I dunno if I am panicing or if the higher dose would be better, I was scared shitless before hand of the sideeffects of this drug, now it seems I would eat it like candy cause the first pill didn’t kill me.  So dumb.  No 2 and I made flapjacks and a carrot cake this eve too, most splendidlly!

Friday, work day week no2, had a comment how I look different without my hat, other than that I was left alone mostly and read about New Orleans, a place I would have loved to visit, just love that accent but a hurricane got there before me.  Viper, a tall lanky female creature spoke to me today for first time in ages which meant I had to reply back, hope she wasn’t disappointed with what she got heh.  Some people.  Seems it was only a light conversation in order to ask me work related stuff, would have rather the convo to have stuck to work stuff but I think I am too catty towards her, me baby.

I wanna spruce this place up a bit, the page is boring, must look into it.