Upsets and fears

Kinda keep thinking about Wednesday now and its playing on my stupid mind.  All sorts of concerns stemming from it at the mo but its summin I have to do, if nothing else to just tidy up the front, whether I go further with things or not.

I am certainly more cranky at the mo and am blowing up at almost anything.  No2 and I were originally going to go shopping Saturday, then Sunday, for me to get some things for my interview in the morning.  However, she seems to have been elusive today altho I sent a message around 11.30-midday and had spoken with her and she never said we werent going to go shopping.  I waited at hers for some time, making a number of calls to her phone but it either went to voicemail after ringing or a couple of times it went straight to answerphone, making me think she was either on the phone or listening to the message.  Never phoned me back tho.  Couldn’t help getting angry and feeling I must have done something to upset her as she hardly spoke to me on Friday when I was with Abbi.  I dunno what it may be, probbie nothing and all my imagination but I just aint in the too knowing frame of mind at the mo, everything and anything is seeming uncertain.   I think I am defo suffering a sense of not having any stability and lacking something, hence getting upset, tearful and generally not myself too often at the moment.  I WANT to blame work but that’s feels an easy option. Gawd I get so confused…

Just heard from her and she apparently fell asleep, didn’t hear me knocking, or calling yada yada.  I don’t believe she would lie, I could sense she felt bad but she kept talking to me making me think she could tell I was disappointed and upset.  I'm over analyzing again for 'ucks sake.